I Keep On Lovin' You
by I Am Ali
Summary: It's Mac's anniversary. He's looking back while trying to look forward. But someone else is also.


Disclaimer- Don't own it, just write it.

I haven't written in a long time… personal goings ons in my life. I wrote this for my father. Happy anniversary… even though she's not here.

Mac Taylor knew it was coming closer. He could feel it in his bones. Winter was at New York's doorstep, with its knowing teeth and blood chilling winds. Claire had loved winter.

As he walked slowly towards his car he could see her.

He flashbacked to a time when everything made sense. Claire was standing at the end of the sidewalk; snowball in hand waiting for her unsuspecting husband. He was lagging behind and when he turned the corner she struck.

"Direct hit!" Mac heard her yell, laughter singing in her voice.

He himself had laughed. He wiped the snow from his face and charged after his wife.

He snapped back to reality when he reached his city issued vehicle. He didn't get in right away. In one of his rare shows of exhaustion and fatigue, he leaned against his car. Thinking of his two lost loves drained all the energy out of him. He had lost Claire, and he had lost Stella.

His anniversary was coming up and he had no love to show for it.

When Mac arrived at the lab he headed straight for his office. He didn't exactly feel like chatting. Danny was waiting for him when he got in.

"What's up Mac?"

"Nothing much. What do you got for me Danny?"

"Just the Geno Homicide."

"The what?"

"Central Park murder? David Geno stabbed in the back? Any thoughts?"

"Right. He was walking through, stabbed, robbed, and tossed in the bushes."

"That's the one."

Mac let out a long sigh. It was going to be a long day.

Stella Bonasera stood at the window of a strange building, in a strange city, in a strange state. Might as well be another planet. She missed New York. God, how she missed the sounds, the smells, and most of all the man.

Her eyes still misted when she thought of him. His smile haunted her days, his eyes and voice her nights. A small smile touched her lips as she looked down upon the street. He was her best friend. She knew what was coming up. His anniversary. She couldn't imagine what he must be going through. She knew his dreams, and knew his deceased wife was a frequent visitor.

"Stella?" She heard a voice call from behind her.

She turned to see the young eager face of her second in command, Conner.

"Hey. What's up Conner?"

"You looked distracted. Something bothering you?"

It only took her exhausted sigh and slight nod to know it was a man.

"You want to talk about him?"

"Him?" Stella said with a smirk.

He merely raised his left hand.

"Been married fourteen years."

"Ah."

"Yes, ah. So, what's his name?"

"Mac."

"The Mac? Your boss back in New York?"

"Yep."

"Why don't you call him?"

She sighed. "It's not that simple."

"It can be."

"I don't know. Its just…it just can't be said in a simple phone call."

"Then go see him."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

Stella turned back to the window.

"I don't think I'd be able to come back."

"Then don't."

She looked at her fellow co-worker with surprise. He just winked at her and left her office. Her brow creased as she looked back at the window. She remembered the time Mac helped her go Christmas shopping.

His arms were full of bags.

"Do you really need all this stuff?" He asked.

"Yes!" She shouted back enthusiastically. Her heart warmed at his laugh.

"Come on Mac, get into the Christmas spirit!"

"I have plenty of Christmas spirit, just maybe not enough arms."

Stella couldn't remember smiling or laughing more in her entire life. She felt so wonderfully free.

"I remember doing this with Claire." He said.

"It's good to remember Mac." She said touching her hand to his. He looked at her, but did not pull his hand away.

Stella abruptly came back to this time, and this place. Her eyes misted and eventually leaked when she thought about the man she loved. It was a mistake coming here. She knew that now. She had thought of personal advancement when she should have been thinking of Mac.

No, she thought with a smile, she wouldn't be coming back.

The week was a tedious and straining process full of memories and the dead. Claire and Stella seemed to be always on his mind. He would zone out in the middle of an interrogation, or during a case. He couldn't help himself. It was Friday evening now, cases closed, reports to write, but today was his anniversary.

He woke that morning with a gapping hole inside him, he could swear everyone could see. He picked up his wedding photo and touched Claire's face.

"Happy Anniversary Claire." He remembered himself say.

His wedding ring was placed right next to the photograph along with a small pocket sized photo Stella had taken while they were hugging. He sighed once, set the photograph down and headed to work. There were a number of people who could sense his sadness.

Sid had laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, Danny had given him a knowing smile, Lindsey had walked into his office and given him a discrete hug. He recalled the conversation he had with Don. He was headed towards the elevator when a hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks.

"Hey Mac."

Hey Don."

"Ummmmm….."

"Yeah?"

Don looked around quickly as if to check if the cost was clear.

"How you holding up?" He whispered.

Mac sighed once and smiled half- heartedly at his friend.

"I'm… holding."

"That's good. If you need to talk, I'm all ears. Day or night."

I appreciate that."

Mac shook his head. Too bad the one person he really needed was hundreds of miles away. He could get through this, he told himself. He had to. Mac grabbed his suit jacket and coat, and headed out. He decided to walk, pounding the pavement and the wind rushing by might clear his head.

As he walked his mind started to drift. It finally rested on Stella. He wondered about her. He loved her. He knew that for a fact. He could have given his right arm for her to be here with him. He rubbed his hand over his face. He also thought of Claire. She would approve of Stella. She would want him to be happy.

"I'm sorry Claire." He said to himself.

Stella arrived at the lab. She took a deep breath and walked through the door. Memories came flooding back. She remembered the times she walked through those doors under different circumstances. Much happier times; with Mac by her side.

But she was getting him back, she kept telling herself. She was getting him back. So she walked with determination towards Mac's office. When she noticed he wasn't there she frowned.

Just then she saw Don walking towards her. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Stella." He said pulling her into his arms.

"Hey Don!"

"I missed you Stell."He said pulling back.

"I missed you too. How've you been?"

"Good you?"

"Better, now that I'm back."

"So… you back for good?" He said with a hopeful grin.

She laughed. "Yeah, for good. Hey do you know where Mac is?"

"He just left a little while ago. You want me to call him?"

"No, I know where he is." She murmured. "Don, I gotta go…"

"I know." He interrupted.

"Thanks Don." She said as she started to walk away.

"Hey Stell?" He called.

"Yeah?" She turned around.

"He needs you."

"Yeah. I need him too." She smiled and headed for the elevator.

Mac hardly realized that he had reached his destination. He looked up to the sky and sighed. Claire was some where up there. Among the stars. He slowly looked towards what was in front of him. Ground Zero. Claire didn't have a proper grave stone, because they had never found her body.

He stepped up to the small gate that separated him from the spot where she had fallen. Mac took out a small still shot of Claire and him, and propped it up against the gate. Just then he felt a warm hand grab his.

He knew. He didn't need a glance at her to be sure. He knew her touch better than anything. Tears formed in both their eyes as they squeezed each others hands.

No words needed to be spoken, no promises revealed, no confessions to make. It was already known.


End file.
